Worship
Sermon Teachings
Matthew 18:15-17, 21-35 – (From Eugene Peterson, The Message: The Bible in Contemporary Language) Jesus taught, “If a another believer hurts you, go and tell that person. Work it out between the two of you. If he or she listens, you've made a friend. If they won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If they still won't listen, tell the church. If they won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront the person with the need to repent, and offer again God's forgiving love….”
Peter got up the nerve to ask Jesus, “Master, how many times do I forgive a disciple – a brother or sister -- who hurts me, seven?” Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven. The reign of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. One servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of hundreds of thousands of dollars. He couldn't pay up, so the king ordered the man along with his wife, children, and goods, be auctioned off at the slave market. The poor wretch threw himself at the king's feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' Touched by his plea the king let him off, erasing the entire debt.
“The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, ‘Pay up. Now!' The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' But he wouldn't do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed account to the king.
“The king summoned the man and said, “You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn't you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy? The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that's exactly what my Abba God in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn't' forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”
You're a Jewish prisoner in a Nazi labor column when you are randomly ordered from that column and taken to the bedside of a German officer dying from his wounds. Seeking to die in peace, the officer asks forgiveness for leading a Nazi mobile killing unit that herded scores of Jews into a house, locked the doors, sealed the windows, set it afire, and shot those who tried to escape the flames. The soldier believes that only a Jew, you, can forgive him for this offense that torments his last thoughts. This true scenario is presented in Simon Wiesenthal's book, The Sunflower: On The Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness. Wiesenthal was that young Jew and in the end, he did not offer forgiveness or peace, the soldier died, and 25-years later, Wiesenthal invited 46 prominent ethicists, philosophers, theologians, and writers, from the Dalai Lama to Albert Speer, to answer the question, “What would you have done?” So, what would you have done?
In the New York Times Magazine last Sunday, in her column “Unforgivable: Why is it so Hard to Say You're Sorry – and Sound as if You mean it?”, contributing writer Lisa Belkin wrote “Everywhere of late, people are saying they are sorry. Gen. Stanley McChrystal… after talking ill of his commander in chief. Or the BP chief executive, Tony Howard, apologizing for the destruction caused by his company's oil well. Or Representative Joe Barton apologizing to Hayward and then apologizing for that apology…. The pope for pedophile priests… a Major League umpire who called a runner safe when he should have been out…. All this apologizing should be good for our collective soul, allowing those who are wrong a chance to repent and those who have been wronged a change to forgive, right?” No! Not really.
For the summer Teaching series six church members each posed a central, personal question that invites us to explore the intersection of faith and this rational, scientific, technological, and iconoclastic era. The hope of the series is that we're actively cultivating lifestyles that are transparently Christian and authentically our own.
Sandy Smith is an Elder currently on Session, a leader in Marin's League of Women Voters, and a dedicated community volunteer. With universal examples, her questions reach beyond dogma and doctrine to an emotional, nettlesome core of human relationships: “We are told we should forgive, that it is good for us to forgive, and that Jesus forgave. Why is it so hard? How does one do it? Would the world be better if we could all learn to forgive? What if someone does not want to forgive? Is there a way to help a person release resentment toward another? Why can one person forgive and another cannot?”
Reflection: if we live into the teaching of Jesus we would go directly to the one whose words or actions offended us and work it out. If that failed, we'd bring a witness. Failing that, we'd work it out in a Quaker fashion with a committee of council. Failing that, we'd start all over again. Why? Because Jesus taught that we are to forgive seventy times seven. This number represents not a mathematical formula but the belief that the act of forgiveness is infinite. Are you willing to live into Jesus' teaching?
The antecedent in Jesus' teachings on forgiveness is not an apology, but repentance. The Greek word for ‘repentance' expects a complete reversal of thinking and acting, and a reasonable assurance that the behavior shall not be repeated. Far too often, saying “sorry” or simply apologizing are cut-rate forgiveness and cheap grace that gloss over the emotions and reality of an offense. Repentance and unconditional forgiveness are among the most fundamental and substantial acts in human relations; indeed, they may define a singularly important essence of human Being.
Reflection: Phil Economon is fond of saying that “Withholding forgiveness is like drinking a bottle of poison to get revenge on someone else.” The accumulation of hurt feelings, shame or humiliation, anger or guilt for trespasses both small and great can turn our minds and souls into toxic waste dumps. All too quickly those negative qualities can dominate our thoughts and our relationship with others and with Self. Perhaps repentance, apology, and forgiveness are hard for us because they demand energy, consume time, and command a good deal of psychic/spiritual space so we too often settle for a less than optimal and functional relationship.
Reflection on 3 ‘forgiveness alternatives:' first, if a relationship is important, you take the time and do the work that leads to reconciliation and a meaningful relationship.
Second, when the offending behavior is more egregious and the relationship cannot survive it, the healthy path is to speak the truth of the hurt – clearly name it -- and move forward.
Third, there are times when you carefully discern that repentance is never going to be an option; that an apology will be banal and meaningless, or the person has fled or died, rendering reconciliation impossible. You still carry the offense and its pain. In such circumstances, for your own health, for your own peace of mind, you intentionally but only inwardly forgive the person thereby beginning the release of the pain and burdens imposed on you.
Reflection: What gets in the way of repentance and forgiveness? Pride is one of the really big forces at work in us. Feelings of guilt or shame can skew our self-perception and deceive us into feeling too proud to ask forgiveness. On the other side and all too quickly, a wound can fester or be carefully nurtured in ways that fuel a destructive pride that will not forgive or seek reconciliation, and you're stuck. If there is to be positive, liberated forward movement it is usually essential for both parties to swallow a SUPER-SIZED serving of pride --- and an antacid.
Reflection: the alliteration in the counsel to “forgive and to forget” rolls nicely off the tongue. What rolls nicely off the soul is to “forgive and to learn.” Once forgiven a hurt must not be held as the Sword of Damocles. To do so is to never be truly and fully free. To learn lessons from the offense and its resolution propel us away from repetition.
Reflection: I have no scientific proof, but 41 years of pastoral observations and a measure of personal truth, lead me to conclude that those who have a hard time forgiving others have an equally or harder time forgiving themselves. Be suspicious of your Self if you cannot reasonably forgive another. And, be suspicious of your Self if you cannot reasonably apologize and ask forgiveness. In either case it may be more about you than the other person.
Reflection: The movement from condemnation to compassion and reconciliation take energy and a willing spirit like that of Jesus. Instead of living into the fearsome world of ‘truth or consequences' the daily Gospel lifestyle is compared to post-Apartheid South Africa, namely the way of “truth and reconciliation.” Yes, think truth and reconciliation if someone cuts you off on 101 at Horse Hill, steps on your toe, or spews unpleasant words: be truthful (that offends me) and reconcile (things happen, let it go). Whether they are the small, daily wrongs or the more substantial burdens, we reach a crossroad where we choose to grow and become more of our true, authentic Self or to live into our small, victimized Self that carries bitterness, resentment, anger, or vengeance. To choose the latter is to daily live as prisoners of our pain. That is not the abundant life Christ intends for you!
Observation: if you offend, harm, or hurt someone, only that person can forgive you. No one is empowered to offer forgiveness in the name of another. In my opinion, Wiesenthal was correct in withholding forgiveness from the Nazi. Those Jews could not speak for themselves and no one dare speak on their behalf for that would be the cheapest of graces.
With great heaviness, one must wonder what might have happened differently in two sets of lives if the BART police officer had been allowed to express his sorrow and seek forgiveness from the outset of that tragedy, or how it might have been if the wives, children, and parents of four murdered Oakland policemen could have sat together with the parents, girlfriend, and child of the killer. Forgive does indeed change the world; it can heal anything.
Observation: we all mess up, say the wrong thing, and act in small and big ways that are not consistent with our sense of highest Being. If the conflicted relationship is really important, at the core, to live biblically after the example of Jesus, either party can take the first step by refusing to let an incident fill a toxic pond or build a wall of separation. The choice is ours: do we still want a relationship, do we want to be friends, shall we just settle for a meager connection, do we want to have love restored –or- not? It is a hard question in real time: what would Jesus do?
Hear the Latest Sermon
Listen online or download to your MP3 player!Â
